One woman in Richmond Virginia went to unusual lengths to plan out a Walmart theft that she was sure she would get away with. Instead of driving to Walmart and pulling off the grand heist, she would show up and leave in a different car, a getaway car. Wait for it, trust us, it’s worth it.
The woman’s name is Eboni Jones. And things did not go as planned for this brilliant criminal mastermind.
First of all, she did manage to arrive at Walmart. First part of her plan, check. She did manage to pilfer some items. Second part of her plan? Check!
Then, things began to go wrong, but our stealthy would-be thief had some serious contingency plans in case things went wrong.
As she was about to leave the store, a couple of Walmart’s Anti-Theft personnel started to approach her. Jones would not be caught, however. She managed to evade them and somehow hide the goods somewhere, not on her person. Later, she emerged from another store wearing new clothes.
So part three, get out undetected, didn’t work, but she did manage to escape the Walmart Ninjas. Ok, they’re just Anti-Theft personnel (they really hate theft, hence the title), but it’s so much better for Jones if they’re Ninjas and she’s avoiding them like a boss.
One brilliant shopper commented to a local news station (WWBT in Richmond VA) that she changed her clothes, “Probably because she didn’t want to get caught.” That’s right. Maybe that shopper should think about becoming an Anti-Theft personnel person? I hear Walmart’s hiring.
Our super thief did the next logical thing (and this is the meat of this story, so pay close attention everyone). She decided to call for a getaway car. And whenever you need a getaway car, who do you call? UBER! So Jones called Uber.
As our wanna-be Anti-Theft Personnel person pointed out (the same one who brilliantly deduced Jones changed her clothes because she didn’t want to get caught), “That’s a person’s car. It’s not like a taxi where everyone knows. It just looks like another car to blend into the crowd that way.”
Only no. No to that. You see, you can’t so easily outmaneuver Walmart’s crack team of Anti-Theft Personnel persons. They were onto Jones. So they called the cops and reported the car Jones got into (turns out, even when the car isn’t a taxi, people can still identify what it looks like…who knew?!).
A little later, the police pulled over the stealth getaway car, the Uber car (the report didn’t say what KIND of car it was, but we’re willing to bet it wasn’t the Scooby Doo van, because cops in California nabbed that one.
Eboni Jones now faces some misdemeanor charges, including providing false information to an officer and petty larceny. She may deserve the punishment she might receive, but maybe after she pays her debt to society she can get a job in Hollywood writing for television, because the imagination she showed in this heist gone bad is certainly far more than a lot of what we see on TV these days. Am I right?